I got a new book and I'm SOOOO pumped.

I can't foresee what the future holds as I evolve as a mother. Perhaps I'll be home with our babies until they are ready for kindergarten, then I'll go back to work. Conversely, I could be doing the PAT/recess volunteer gig until they are well into grade school. My 1 1/2 children are little for just so long, and I am content to be home with them, tending to their needs, kissing them as much as they'll allow (but mostly more).

At times I feel I'm ill-suited for this venture. It's messy and stinky and exhausting sometimes, but so very, very important, precious, worthwhile. I lie awake thinking of what Wilder will accomplish one day; who he'll become and what he'll want to do. I hope the energy I've invested into his little heart will help him understand he is capable, independent, smart, wonderful, worthy.

I've taken to reading and writing in full force. You know those serendipitous moments that only occur in movies? I had one of my own! We were in Winfield for Christmas #3 and decided to have lunch at the coffee shop. Chicken salad on croissant, with fresh fruit. Their high chair was broken, so Shawn and I took turns watching Wilder. As Shawn neared the fireplace, he spotted a book that had been donated to the shop, The Daily Writer: 366 Meditations to Cultivate a Productive and Meaningful Writing Life, by Fred White. He handed it to me without having to say much; we'd already been discussing my recent submergence in literature. I was quickly absorbed in it to the extent his parents had to talk around my buried face...for awhile.

I couldn't believe there was a book of its kind-all about writing-one that wasn't wishy washy, one that was stern enough to impress a daily writing habit. So I bought it at Barnes and Noble the next day and have read ahead ever since. I spent 20 minutes writing last night, before Shawn and I watched our movie. It was empowering to accomplish something other than a load of laundry. No one has to see the writing, but it was special to give those words validity on paper. Dr. White so remarkably expressed,

"Assertiveness is the hallmark of freedom, the foundation for advancement.
Each of us has something special to offer the human community.
Thus, we must cultivate, not repress, our will to assert ourselves
by shaping our thoughts and feelings on paper." (pg. 36)

I'll always be a thinker. And I welcome, if not plead for, a challenge. For those reasons I just might create an addendum to my motherhood. Who says parenting and pursuing personal passions can't be done simultaneously?

If anything, this career break has breathed life into a gift I didn't know I revered so much.