Musings from a Hopeful

I'VE been doing a lot of musing lately. I’m sure “they’d” say that’s normal for a woman nearly 7 months pregnant. What’s beckoned me for deeper consideration is the duality of the fragility and resilience of life. When I think of those I know, and all they’ve been through, all I’ve been through, I’m humbled by the strength we muster to become conquerors. Sometimes we have to muster strength to be weak (I read about this today, and it resonates so deeply), for it is exhausting, grueling, and a part of being human.

Then there’s a flip side to resilience--we all know that life is delicate and that knowledge can make or break us (are you frought with worry? a death-defier? a truster in self? a carpe diem quoter?)...Shawn and I are incredibly blessed for being able to conceive a child, but I know couples who are struggling with infertility—or who have experienced loss I couldn’t begin to understand. I have a brother in heaven I never had the joy to meet—but will someday. And a coworker just lost her mother today.

In attempting to wrap my mind around this complex duality, I know that God designed our lives with perfect purpose/intentionality. We face challenges He knows are not too much for us to handle. We experience loss and sorrow as part of the refining process. And we learn to see, or at least attempt to believe, that God is good despite all of the not-so-good things in life. That His definition of goodness is not parallel to ours. That one day we’ll be free of the tangled carnality of ourselves—and we’ll deeply understand God’s love, plan, concern, artistry. What He meant in the words: I am good. I am love.

What this has demanded of me now is an increased intent to monitor my thoughts, actions, attitude (yes, Shawn, you can smile), words. Better to show kindness to the angry person, better to smile than to frown, better to let the other car go first. Better to not complain in line at the post office. Better to eat that brownie because I like it. Better to stay up late to read to the baby.

It’s also bringing me comfort as I gear up for the biggest juggling act of my life: wife, mother, career person (etc., etc.). It’s my dream to stay home full time, but we’re not there right now. I just can’t avoid thinking that there are far worse things than having to go to work every day. I am blessed to have a stable job. And while I would rather remain at home with my son full-time, I trust that God, in His faithfulness, sees my heart’s desires, and will carve a path for those desires--in His timing. And I just know that it will be ok.

I also know I’ll fail and some days will be tough; I’ll do a bad job by walking on seemingly cushy, dark clouds rather than on sunshine. I'll let my road rage get the best of me, or say hurtful things in futile attempts to esteem myself. I’m just thankful that God, so infinite in grace, isn’t keeping tabs. He just wants me, flubs and all. And He is good.

Mother's Day

SHAWN and I were stoked to get to see both sets of parents for Mother's Day. It is always really close to my birthday of May 12, and this year, the events were just a day apart. So while our parents would say they came to spend time for my birthday, I'd say they came to spend time in honor of their special day!

My parents spent Sunday afternoon with us. We at at Avivo's and gave them tours of both of our workplaces, which was lots of fun considering the huge differences between the two (the Foundation is really "frou-frou" and SHS is really artsy, creative). We got to see Shawn's disassembled cubicle--he had been away from the office for awhile, on business and vacay, so his coworkers hoisted into the air every item that was on his desk (picture below).

Lastly, we trotted over to the Keeper of the Plains at the confluence of the Big and Little Arkansas Rivers, which was pretty awesome. We drive by it all of the time but had never stopped to tour it.

Then Harold and Kathy took us to dinner at Carrabbas for Mother's Day/my Birthday. We even ordered dessert, although we didn't have enough belly room to finish it.

26 Weeks!

OUR baby now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber), from head to heel. The nerve pathways in his ears are developing, which means his response to sounds is growing more consistent. His lungs are developing now, too, as he continues to take small breaths of amniotic fluid — good practice for when he's born and takes that first breath of air.


According to the cute LilliePie ticker at the bottom of our blog, we've only got 97 days till baby time (give or take, obviously)! We can't believe it! It is getting a little hard to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, and sitting for a long time in general isn't very comfortable (guess that's good for kicking the couch tater habit). We have so much to do before baby comes, yet remain grateful for this incredible privilege.

2nd Leg of the Trip!

THE second leg of our trip included trekking from Janesville, WI, to Champaign, IL, to see Megan, Stephen, and baby Max! We had what seemed like only a few hours with them, so didn't do an exorbitant amount of things. But we did go to Marble Slab, a fun bookstore, and a baby store (I saw the crib bedding I like but decided not to go with it). Meg and I also got to go to Target for a leisurely spree--we could spend hours there (and did)! We also noshed on yummies at Ruby Tuesday's; Max was so good in his high chair!

Max calls me "Minnie" now and is growing so big! It was awesome to get a glimpse of life with a toddler. Meg sticks to a nightly routine of bath and reading time; they have read to him almost every night since he was born. Shawn and I bought 3 books (Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?; Goodnight, Moon; & The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss) today so our baby can be smart just like Max, and have lots of books to discover.

Now it's back to work and a routine..I came back to 99 emails in my work account, 77 of which were legit. I got a good start on them yesterday!

Janesville, WI Quick Get-Away

THE first half of our mini-vacay was spent in Janesville, WI, with my Aunt Tam and Uncle Ken. My Grandma just moved up there, so we got to see her new pad. We went to Madison for a day (capital building below) to shop, went to the Rotary Gardens and shopped in Janesville (found baby clothes), rested, went to Tam & Ken's vet clinic, and had yummy Greek pizza & butterscotch oatmeal cookies. My aunt has an awesome bathtub with jets (the Sven) so I definitely took advantage of that!