Heartathon, Picture III

Right, so I'm perturbed that I didn't get a heart picture posted yesterday, but, we were a little busy taking care of honeybee Wilder.

Wilder had a minor tumble off a child's chair Saturday which warranted x-rays then a bone scan; he couldn't walk. It's a long story I'd rather not get into, because we are on the flip side of it. He actually took a few steps today. Still waiting on pediatrician's confirmation, but, I'm 98% certain he's in the clear (no fracture on right leg). No news is good news, really.

What an ordeal. Tough time for momma to see her baby sedated, then not get to hold him a whole lot due to small amount of radioactive stuff in his body (had to be careful because I'm pregnant). I'm so thankful the Lord helped us through this.

His beefy 20 pounds (ha) has been heavy and my pregnant belly "shelf" isn't quite protruded enough to just sit him on...not that I'm complaining about my belly not being of whale-esque proportions...just give it time...

Since our lives have been so chaotic, my precious friend J brought us dinner last night, and a cake! She provided a tub of frosting and fortunately there was enough left (couldn't stop "taste testing") to frost it. Peppermint sprinkles make it a flavorful Valentine's treat.
Some people really know me.

Valentine's Heart-athon, Day II

Here's Day II's picture:
Hopefully I will be able to take some pictures during the day when the lighting is much better.

Some thoughts on love:

We know love is a verb. Something like:

You make this decision--here is me, all of me, a compilation of quirks, fears, joys, reservations, convictions, opinions, experiences, genetics....and you look at the person whom you believe you love, and you hand all of that over. You are precious to yourself, so, it's scary. But your lover has planted so much safety and trust for you that you know it'll be ok. It won't always be perfect, but it'll be ok.

There's comfort knowing it's permissible to lose yourself for a moment, or several. Because you and your love, you'll find your better selves together. There'll be no sense of loss.

And you'll realize compassion for humanity (a humanity desperate for you) is better given from a well-refined, well-loved self.

Grace to help others and grace to receive the same

I've missed my computer time, but have had mommy tasks to tend to that include the health of Shawn and Wilder. My strength has been tested and stretched and I'm much weaker as a pregnant person...emotions are definitely topsey turvey.

Something that's come out of the woodwork, though, is that I'm becoming more comfortable asking for and receiving help. I wish I was born with a superhero cape, but, alas... I have my "help me!" moments. Do you?

Denying help can be graceful, occasionally warranted. But accepting it? That takes grace, too. For me, being on the "helpER" end of things, where I've gotten to vacuum, and fold laundry...well, that's just about equal to receiving a million bucks. So, in a sense, when I let someone else help me, it returns to them as a blessing. It's beautifully reciprocal.

From a young age I've wanted to fend for myself, not wanting to inconvenience anyone. Part of that, though, was wanting to come to a point where I could be confident supporting myself and living on my own if I had to. I had to prove that to myself. And I succeeded.

But now that I'm a mommy I have to think about Wilder's well-being, and if that means bringing in reinforcements (thanks, A & B!), I'll do it. If that means dragging him to a lunch date (thanks, E) so I can have some adult talk/cookie and feel important/human, then, I will.

Through recent challenges I've duly noted that although Wilder is keen on picking up my emotions, he's still young enough to not remember my moments of crying. If I lose my smile and steadiness for a little bit, he's going to be okay. He's still in this innocent place where he waves "hi" to the people on the TV, to the people at the store, to the people on the sidewalk, to the trucks on the road.

If only he'd get a wave back.

I understand how he feels. We have that same love for people.

On a lighter note, I want to challenge my creativity and take a "heart" picture every day of the first couple weeks in February, to celebrate Valentine's Day, and Shawn. Gag if ya want...it's your esophagus.

I love pink hearts.

They're just so...me. Every beating, pleading, help-me, part.

~

This is why I can't sleep

My brain will not slow down.

Just some examples of last night's bedtime thoughts:

Do grocery store checker outer people like it when you call them by name (that is if you can pronounce what's on the nametag)? As if there's a sense of familiarity, when there's not? I do it to be polite and acknowledge him/her as a person, but, I wonder if it's annoying.

Who decides what fashion trends are in versus not, and why is it a big deal? Adam and Eve wore leaves and fur.

Speaking of the Bible, were there fish and dolphins and whales and sharks on the ark or did Noah cross his fingers that they'd survive the violent flood?

Also related...how did someone know to drill really far deep to find oil?

Do semis get into a lot of trouble if they don't stop at a weigh station? What if no one's at the weigh station? Do semi drivers get scared when they're asleep in their trucks?

Are the Native American descendants okay? I don't know anything about their lives right now.

Who cleans the poop off of those one semis that take the cows everywhere?

I wonder if the recycle people have been able to recycle all our stuff okay. The salsa jar wasn't quite clean.

Are the cosmetic companies ever going to run out of names for their nail polishes and eye shadows? Royal Raha Ruby, Ladies and Magenta-men...

How come the mascara commercials only show models with long, fake lashes? Can't we see what the formula would look like on regular, sparse, blonde eyelashes like mine?

Why does Victoria's Secret insist on sending at least 2 catalogs a week? Shouldn't they know I'm pregnant and the last thing I want to see is, well, that?

Will my children know what libraries and books are, or will technology replace? Ipad.

Should I do the nursery bright and punchy or organic and naturey? If we do organic we don't have to paint...

Is this the last day for Wilder's antibiotic or was that yesterday?

Do we have any chocolate chips in the pantry for cookies?

Should I give birth at Wesley or St. Joes?

Has Shawn called Cox about internet?

We are out of butter, yogurt, animal crackers, and strawberries.

Peace

Peace run to me
Peace cling to me
Peace surpass what I know
I want my moment of ebullience

Relieve pain I can't reach
Restore when I want to hide
Rescue when I am apt to cave
Replenish when I am devoid

Peace, sweet peace
Lay calm these bones
Overflow within me a quiet

As you do the darkness for the night

~mindy harris










photo courtesy of shawn harris, nov 09
humboldt, ks