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Have I mentioned I'm just excited about this baby as I was with Wilder? It's different, of course (not as much time to bask in the moment), but I'm still really elated to have another little person to love on and raise. When Wilder was fussing yesterday, I told my mother in law, "that's it. We're only having two!" Decisions like that should never be made in the heat of the moment...
The first part of the pregnancy went really slow, but it seems to be picking up speed. We are four months away (I am 24 wks) which seems pretty significant some days, then like not a lot of time other days. I am very much itching to get going on the nursery. I had help (thanks A & B) last weekend organizing office stuff into keep, sell, donate piles. I even found a simple changing table for $10 on CraigsList. I've decided to go with an organic/naturey theme so we don't have to paint.
How I'm feeling: pretty darn good. Just that same pressure and some heartburn. I've even been able to sneak and sleep on my stomach about halfway. And we've been so busy that I fall asleep fairly quickly...no more worrying about Indians and semi-truck drivers. Gosh, I am so weird, and you're still reading my blog?Here's today's heart pic:
His/Hers towel set from estate sale
Stone heart magnet from Europe (D, is it from Germany?)
Right, so I'm perturbed that I didn't get a heart picture posted yesterday, but, we were a little busy taking care of honeybee Wilder.
Wilder had a minor tumble off a child's chair Saturday which warranted x-rays then a bone scan; he couldn't walk. It's a long story I'd rather not get into, because we are on the flip side of it. He actually took a few steps today. Still waiting on pediatrician's confirmation, but, I'm 98% certain he's in the clear (no fracture on right leg). No news is good news, really.
What an ordeal. Tough time for momma to see her baby sedated, then not get to hold him a whole lot due to small amount of radioactive stuff in his body (had to be careful because I'm pregnant). I'm so thankful the Lord helped us through this.
His beefy 20 pounds (ha) has been heavy and my pregnant belly "shelf" isn't quite protruded enough to just sit him on...not that I'm complaining about my belly not being of whale-esque proportions...just give it time...
Since our lives have been so chaotic, my precious friend J brought us dinner last night, and a cake! She provided a tub of frosting and fortunately there was enough left (couldn't stop "taste testing") to frost it. Peppermint sprinkles make it a flavorful Valentine's treat.
Some people really know me.
Here's Day II's picture:
Hopefully I will be able to take some pictures during the day when the lighting is much better.
Some thoughts on love:
We know love is a verb. Something like:
You make this decision--here is me, all of me, a compilation of quirks, fears, joys, reservations, convictions, opinions, experiences, genetics....and you look at the person whom you believe you love, and you hand all of that over. You are precious to yourself, so, it's scary. But your lover has planted so much safety and trust for you that you know it'll be ok. It won't always be perfect, but it'll be ok.
There's comfort knowing it's permissible to lose yourself for a moment, or several. Because you and your love, you'll find your better selves together. There'll be no sense of loss.
And you'll realize compassion for humanity (a humanity desperate for you) is better given from a well-refined, well-loved self.
I've missed my computer time, but have had mommy tasks to tend to that include the health of Shawn and Wilder. My strength has been tested and stretched and I'm much weaker as a pregnant person...emotions are definitely topsey turvey.
Something that's come out of the woodwork, though, is that I'm becoming more comfortable asking for and receiving help. I wish I was born with a superhero cape, but, alas... I have my "help me!" moments. Do you?
Denying help can be graceful, occasionally warranted. But accepting it? That takes grace, too. For me, being on the "helpER" end of things, where I've gotten to vacuum, and fold laundry...well, that's just about equal to receiving a million bucks. So, in a sense, when I let someone else help me, it returns to them as a blessing. It's beautifully reciprocal.
From a young age I've wanted to fend for myself, not wanting to inconvenience anyone. Part of that, though, was wanting to come to a point where I could be confident supporting myself and living on my own if I had to. I had to prove that to myself. And I succeeded.
But now that I'm a mommy I have to think about Wilder's well-being, and if that means bringing in reinforcements (thanks, A & B!), I'll do it. If that means dragging him to a lunch date (thanks, E) so I can have some adult talk/cookie and feel important/human, then, I will.
Through recent challenges I've duly noted that although Wilder is keen on picking up my emotions, he's still young enough to not remember my moments of crying. If I lose my smile and steadiness for a little bit, he's going to be okay. He's still in this innocent place where he waves "hi" to the people on the TV, to the people at the store, to the people on the sidewalk, to the trucks on the road.
If only he'd get a wave back.
I understand how he feels. We have that same love for people.
On a lighter note, I want to challenge my creativity and take a "heart" picture every day of the first couple weeks in February, to celebrate Valentine's Day, and Shawn. Gag if ya want...it's your esophagus.
I love pink hearts.
They're just so...me. Every beating, pleading, help-me, part.
~
And I got something awesome in the mail from my favorite aunt: vintage childrens' magazines. They are so going in the nursery:
Lastly, let's just say the nesting phase has officially, uh, commenced:
Seriously need some blackout shades for W's room. Lesson learned for the second baby. Toodles!
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