Cool enough

Recent convo with a friend:

Me: "So, I totally want to have you guys over for a BBQ but we just had one, so, is it okay to ask again? I mean, are we cool enough?"

Her: "Yes, yes, have us over. It will be so, so fun. We'd be honored...of course you're cool."

Me: "Okay, okay, I really want us to raise our boys together and surround them with good values and show them community and just be supportive of one another and are you sure it's okay...?"

Good. Lumpy. Gravy. Someone tell me to shush already.

I truly love people--my beautiful, amazing friends--and want Wilder to be influenced by their examples. I want to lift and be uplifted. If I could only stop tripping over myself.

It compels me to postulate what life would look like if I stopped pestering myself. How my relationships would develop if I deconstructed those walls of "protection." It's helped a little to think of how others are affected (I am a mercy person, and uber-empathetic toward others, yet a ringmaster on myself) when I live a handicapped existence, one moldy with fear and self deprecation.

Oh yes, I see what it does. Others miss out on a blessing.

So I pray, pray to my Creator--all of Him deserves all of me. All He is will wholly heal all of me.

And I pray that you, me, all of us, and all of them, will support one another in our quests to conquer our inner beasts, and emerge, proclaiming...

"...I am, and will forever remain, awesome."